someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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