I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
