She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
