so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
