Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
