WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
