remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
