Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize