woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
