Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
