i was born a porn star she said
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
