you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
