Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
