look no pants
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We're too hungover to prance.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
