I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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