Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
