I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
