how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
