Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
