meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize