i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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