i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
