what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
