This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
