there's paper in my vomit.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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