I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize