last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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