Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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