bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
