So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have fence marks all over my body
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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