A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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