It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
