Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
