I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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