go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
