More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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