Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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