We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
