if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize