hotel room ftw
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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