So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
