umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
