My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
