I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
