Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
