Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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