just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
