tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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