Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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