Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I looked at my own cervix.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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