There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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