i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
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