youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
