In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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