real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize