someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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