just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
