Already got asked if we're dating
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
