u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
