so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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