The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
