Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
