Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
