My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
