who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The air was thick with penises
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
