btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
