ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize