literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
