He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
