You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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