I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
