I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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