At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
