either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
