I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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