I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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