I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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