Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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