I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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