All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
