She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
