I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
