I am in a vortex of obligation.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
