someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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