omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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