Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
