Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
