I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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